July 20, 2010

Tap out revisited

Yet another important reason why I need to always remember to eat right and hydrate properly. Not doing so will not only affect the day after, but 3 months later....

Setting: Getting off the train yesterday afternoon. Random Stranger (RS) in sunglasses gets up and walks directly behind me. 

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: (Giving him the big 'ol WTF look) Excuse me?
RS: Are you pregnant?
Me Thinking: (Does my ass look like I am pregnant from behind? Who asks that kind of question?)
Me: Um, no. Not that I am aware of. Why do you ask?
RS: You got sick one morning and got off the train and I thought you might be pregnant or had a rough night.
Me Thinking: Crap, I KNEW that day would come back to haunt me!
Me: Ha ha! (Why did I laugh?) No, I had a migraine.

Now, I will give the guy the benefit of the doubt, he did say after further conversation that his wife was pregnant and she was due any day now, so he probably had it on the brain, but seriously? Who asks that?  And with sunglasses on. Inside a train? Who's the one hiding a bender now?

So here are all the things that I could have said, but didn't:
RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: Yes, And I don't know who the mother is. 

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: No, And I don't know who the father is.

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: Yes, And I don't know who the father is.

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: Um no. And why don't you ask your wife what she would think if a random stranger approached her and asked her if she was pregnant and then she can yell at you.

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: No. Are you offering?

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: No. But I had a big lunch. Food baby maybe.

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: You don't talk to people much, do you?

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: [Punch]

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: Do I look pregnant? Don't answer that.

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: No. Are you losing your hair?

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: No, I just wanted a seat on the train.

RS: Are you pregnant?
Me: ....... [blink. blink]

Sooo.... Here is my question: Have you ever been asked "Are you pregnant?" when you were not? How did you respond? And what funny, snarky or maybe gentle-soul thing did you say or wish you said in response?


David A. Zuzelo said...

If any of you could have seen my face when I heard this yesterday...wow. I don't care who you are, but that has to be the dumbest question ever. The "rough night" part is even odder!

So, fuel belt, goo, mace...things I'm buying you.

Katharine said...

Rule #1: Never ask a woman - any woman - if she is pregnant unless a baby is emerging from her body AT THAT MOMENT.

Yes, I have been asked if I were pregnant, and oh, my was it awkward. I simply said no, and let the person who asked stew in the uncomfortable silence. But oh, GOLLY, am I going to keep the "Yes, and I don't know who the mother is" retort in the back of my mind for handy use, should I ever need it.

Tammy said...

Wow. I would never know how to respond to that.
I've never been asked that question.

I like your responses, though.

Heather S. said...

Sadly, I have been asked "when are you due?" when I wasn't pregnant!! The irony is that I was with a woman who was actually pregnant, but the bozo didn't ask her. I gave him a pass because we were in a baby store and I was wearing baggy clothes because Ben was only like 6 months old, so I probably was still carrying around baby weight. But still, one should NEVER ask that question without knowing for certain that the woman is preggers AND they should NEVER ask if she's pregnant in the first place!!!

Delane said...

At my HS reunion, after SEVERAL cocktails, I PATTED a girls belly and ASKED her when she was due!!!!

She was not pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nor had she recently been pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!

She was just, well, a bit on the overweight side and built like humpty dumpty.


She left shortly. I drank a whole lot more that night.

GME said...

No, but you should ask Liz about the woman she encountered at the grocery store a couple of months ago!

Kathleen said...


Emmy Roo said...

Oh dear. The only time I've ever run into that, I was FOURTEEN. I was little then - a size 8 - and I was dressed in my choir costume, which was this lovely slinky Ethiopian dress (we were a world-music children's choir, so we all wore authentic costumes from around the world). It had a lovely scarf that knotted just over the belly, so I suppose maybe that could have made me look pregnant? I was just walking into the convention center at the Marriott for call-time when some woman, looking very disapproving, eyed me over her glasses and asked if I was pregnant. Being fourteen, I immediately ran to the nearest bathroom and burst into tears, convinced that I was even fatter than I thought I was (I thought I was a hippo at the time). It was awful and I felt so ashamed that I wore my costume's shawl differently from then on, which meant it was no longer authentic!

I love the "I don't know who the mother is" response, though! I almost hope someone asks me if I'm pregnant now so I can use that!!!

DebKAtkins said...

I was 14 months pregnant - OK, really about a week away from delivery - when a guy told me I better deliver soon before I popped a button off the front of my dress. I was able to whip out this reply: "I'm 9 months pregnant. What's your excuse?" Another time, I had taken my baby to the pediatrician's office and had her on my hip (aka impossible to suck in your gut). She was about 6 months old. The nurse asked me if I was expecting again, and I told her "No, I'm just fat." She felt horrible!! Don't EVER ask that question!!!!!!

Tara said...

On the flip side, the only time my husband asked somebody if they were pregnant (or may have congratulated them, I'm not sure), the woman said "No" and gave him a crazy look and he felt horrible and apologized. It was somebody he knew.

Then turns out, she WAS pregnant, but not telling people yet. Since they had a somewhat risky pregnancy, they were waiting a long time to tell people, but when they finally did, HE got a big apology.

So, apparently quietly wondering seems to be the way to go...