My daughter is something special. I know everyone says that about their children, and they should, and my daughter is definitely something special.
Tonight after a fantastic day, a decent enough bedtime, she was feeling frustrated and used a naughty word. She could tell it pushed my buttons, so she used it 3 more times. Rrrrrrrrrrrr.....
I walked out of the room. Partly to show I wouldn't stand for being pushed around, but in prt because I needed a cooling off period. Tearfully, she came out to get me, I was stern and I tucked her back into her bed and she let go of some emotions that had been bugging her at school. (Lots of transitions, teacher starting maternity leave, 5 yr olds learning how to be kind to one another, etc.)
Iz: xxxx was mean to me at school.
Me: maybe xxxx is lonely and isn't sure how to say it? Do you feel lonely sometimes? Are you always kind? (Hindsight, I should have paused & listened more)
Iz: I'm always kind at school.
Me: what about to your brother?
Iz: no, but it's a long time to be with the same person.
(Yes, she really did say that.)
Me: Did you hear that somewhere?
Iz: No, it was just in my head.
And then she fell fast asleep.
Me, after picking my jaw up off the floor, realize just how true that is. Aren't we the meanest to the people closest to us? And the meanest to the person really closest to us....ourselves?
Before all this went downhill and then back on track, we spent some time at the Loving-kindness spa. LKS is the part two of our bedtime routine after she picks an age where I tell her a story from that time in my life. (Tonight she picked 8 for me. Also her brother's age).
Anyway, at the Loving Kindness Spa, Rose (aka me) is our stylist/ticklebacker/relaxation/whisper specialist. (I'm not surprised Iz picked that name for our specialist, since it is the name of someone special in her life.) At LKS we say kind things about ourselves, our friends and role play positive behaviors while pretending to get our hair done (it helps me get her tangles out....win!), get massages (we massage out the icky and not so great moments of the day) and whisper positive loving feelings while at LKS.
I really think that it was the LKS that made her feel comfortable enough to test the waters and talk about the icky things that were going on and the way to transition to that was to push my buttons after we were done at the LKS.
Maybe all of us need time at LKS and the best way to get though the mean feelings we feel toward ourselves (or others) and to get out of coping with food or booze or ______fill in the blank_____, is to book an appointment with Rose at the Loving-Kindness Spa.
I promise LKS is always open.